Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

Sunday (March 28), me, Peaser, Claire, Iz, Rosemary, and Maggie all headed to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to go see HEATHER “LONGBOOBS” MCDONALD and CHELSEA HANDLER!!!!! Can you tell I was a little excited????

At work last week, everyone was asking me what I was doing for my birthday. When I told them we were headed to see Chelsea, they told me that she was signing her book at Outwrite Bookstore in Midtown. Um, hello? Do you remember Nene? (Probably not. That’s ok.)

So we immediately made plans to go see Chelsea at Outwrite, have her sign our books and be our new best friend. She was signing her book from 1-3, so we decided to get there at 1. We knew we would have to wait in line, but that really wouldn’t be a problem because, well, we didn’t have anything else to do.

So on Friday, I headed to Athens to buy her book. I knew they would have some at Outwrite, but I wanted to be prepared when I got there.

When I was driving up to Outwrite, I could see the line wrapped around the block. Whoa. This was gonna be intense. So I parked and headed to get in line and Peaser soon joined me. This guy that worked at the bookstore came around to the people in line and asked, “Does everyone have a book?” To which we all replied, “Yes.” Then he asked, “Does everyone have a number?”

Uh… hold up. What’s this about a NUMBER?

Apparently, you had to pre-order your book from Outwrite to get a number so Chelsea would sign your book. Guess who had no idea about that little tidbit?

Yep, the birthday girl. (That’s me, in case you forgot.)

So we asked the guy what we should do and he told us to come back around 2:30 and maybe she would be done with signing the books and we could go in to see her and get her to sign our books. At this point, Iz had joined us so Pease, Iz, and I headed over to Caribou Coffee for a little bit to have brunch and some coffee since we had all woken up early to get ready. At 2:30 on the dot, we headed back across the street to see if she had made any sort of dent in the line. They were calling numbers 1-100. And apparently they were telling everyone they had sold 1000 books for her to sign. Yes. She had 30 minutes to sign ~900 books.

Things were not looking in our favor.

But Pease and Iz had brave smiles, anyway.

At one point, I walked around the corner to see if the line had dwindled and noticed they had put Chelsea in a window. So I took a few creepy stalker pictures in case that was the closest I got to her. (This is a horrible picture, but I had no idea what to do about the glare. Oh, well.

Here. I cropped everything out, so you can see her. You can definitely see her arm clearly and her head, if you know what to look for.

At about 2:45, Ro and Maggie showed up and we just kept standing there. I don’t know what we were hoping for, but we didn’t have anything else to do, so we just kept standing there. THEN, at about 2:55, this lady walked out of the bookstore and asked me if I WANTED HER NUMBER. BECAUSE THE IDIOTS AT THE BOOKSTORE DIDN’T TAKE IT UP!!!!!!

WELL, DUH!!!!

The number admitted 2 people, so Iz and I had our books and we walked right in! We couldn’t believe it!! The guy wrote our names on a post-it for Chelsea to write and then we turned and THERE SHE WAS!!! I had the perfect shot of her!

Then this happened.

Crap. Try again.

Well, at least I got half of her head in there. We were getting closer, and I didn’t want to just stick my camera in her face (because I’m cooler than that) so I knew my opportunities were dwindling.

Well, it’s dark and fuzzy, but at least I got her whole body in there.

Finally, it was our turn. This was my opportunity. I knew she was going to think I was hilarious and love me and immediately ask me to be a guest on her show and then I would become famous and be on the Round Table and I wouldn’t need to stress about the fact that my internship was ending and had absolutely no prospects at all.

Iz went first. Chelsea just chatted her right up. “Hey Isabelle. How are you?” “I’m great! How are you?” “Doing well. So happy to be in Atlanta. Have a great day.” “Thanks. You too!”

Here it was. I put my book down on the table.

And silence.

Neither one of us uttered a peep.

I heard some banging on the window behind Chelsea and looked up. Pease, Ro, and Maggie were back there smiling and gesturing for me to get her to turn around.

I felt like my tongue had been cut out.

FINALLY Chelsea said hey and thanks for coming. And all I could do was gawk and mutter thanks.

So much for the Round Table.

But she did do this.

The best we can figure it says “Sloan! Cheer(s?)! Ann.” Ha!

Redic.

At that point, she was about to leave, so we stood around and waited on her to walk to her car (Black Ford Expedition, if you were wondering.)

Obviously at this point, I didn’t care about being cool anymore because I knew that I wasn’t going to be getting anywhere close to her guest chair, so I just snapped away. She climbed in the very back and her driver sped off.

So at that point, we just decided to load up and head to Isabelle’s apartment to change and get ready for dinner at the Melting Pot, where Claire would finally join us.

Maggie and Sara.

Brittany Pease! (We sat at this table that had this weird divider thing, so she was kind of sitting by herself. :()

Claire and Iz. I think Claire looks so much like Little Feeney in this picture! I had to do a double take!

Me and Ro! (She looked so hot in her romper! I loved it!)

Speaking of looking hot… hahahahahahaha!

Yum! So good! Yin Yang Chocolate fondue!

After we stuffed our faces at the Melting Pot (seriously, it was SOOO good and we were stuffed afterwards! Which we should have been because that meal was not cheap. But it was delicious!) we headed over to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to go see HEATHER “LONGBOOBS” MCDONALD AND CHELSEA HANDLER!!!!!

Seriously, they were both so equally hilarious! Heather McDonald has a book coming out in June, and I can’t WAIT to read it!

The girl beside me, though. Dang. A little background here: My friends and I watched Chelsea Lately since it was on at 11:30. We’ve all read her first 2 books and at least own the 3rd one, if we haven’t read it yet. All this to say, we’ve heard a few of Chelsea’s jokes before. Not that they’re not still HILARIOUS, but we just didn’t laugh quite as hard as the first time we heard them. Well home girl over to my right had obviously never EVER heard a joke she has said. She laughed so obnoxiously that Maggie thought it was me. When Chelsea did her “I hate Russian men because they wear white track suits and no underwear so you can see their ballsacks and talk on their bluetooth earpieces,” Girl claps, hollers, and then yells out, “Amen!” I leaned over to Maggie and asked, “How many Russians can this girl possibly know?”

I really wanted to get some video for Kathleen, but I couldn’t figure out how to work the video on my camera (if it even has video. I don’t know.)

HEATHER “LONGBOOBS” MCDONALD!! Her impressions were hilarious! Especially Drew Barrymore! Loved them!

And the lady we were all there to see: CHELSEA HANDLER!!!!! I’m not kidding. She was so wasted during this show. It was so funny. Her hair kept falling down and she’d try to fix it and it’d fall down even more.

“There are two kinds of people I don’t trust. People that don’t drink and people that collect stickers.” -Chelsea Handler

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