Reckless Prayers

Last Sunday, I recieved a text from my mom. All in all, nothing very unusual, except for the content: “We will be there in 5 minutes.” I called to tell her that I was at Ryan’s, and she said she knew and they were almost there.

Immediately, I went into panic mode. They were coming to tell me something awful, I just knew it. I ran downstairs to tell Ryan and he told me it would be okay. But my heart knew differently. Call it woman’s intuition, whatever, but I knew.

….So Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us……..

A few minutes later, my parents arrived and we met them outside. Standing in Ryan’s driveway, Mama said those dreaded words.

“Mimi is sick. She has pancreatic cancer.”

I fell apart. Not her. Not now. I’m Mimi’s Girl. Not when I’m getting married in 9 months and she’s supposed to be there. Not when I am going to send my kids to see her and she is going to hold them and love them and kiss them and sing to them and rub their backs while they sleep and bake the baby Jesus a birthday cake and do crafts with them. I couldn’t handle it.

…Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee. How Great Thou Art, How Great Thou Art……

I spent all of last week in a fog. Numb. Sunday, I cried so much my jaw hurt and I had a headache. I cried less on Monday, but I still cried. Tuesday was a little easier, but not much.

……What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears…….

I have never been so thankful that the Holy Spirit intervenes for us when we don’t know how to pray. I had no idea what to pray for. That is the worst feeling to me- not knowing what to do or how to pray.

…..Open up the doors and let the music play. Let the streets resound with singing. Songs that bring Your hope and songs that bring Your joy…….

Then Saturday on my way home, I had a revelation. I knew exactly what to pray for. I decided to start praying for her to be healed, here on Earth. I know that God will heal her, here or in Heaven, she will be whole and happy. But I am praying for the desire of my heart and that is to have her here on Earth in May.

“So many of us limit our praying because we are not reckless in our confidence in God.” -Oswald Chambers

My God, the one who can calm a raging sea, move mountains, change hearts and minds and even raise men from the dead. He can eradicate this little tumor that is in her body. And I decided that I am going to be reckless. I am going to pray bold prayers and believe that God can make them happen because He is God and He created the heavens and the earth.

He is Good and He is Love and I know that He loves Mimi even more than I do. He is in control and He has a plan and a purpose and he will provide for us no matter what. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. We have no idea what his plan is, and it may be different from what I want and that is ok. There is a reason for that. God works everything for the good of those that love him. He will always be Good and Love and Grace and Mercy. But I will not limit God with my prayers.


5 Comments on “Reckless Prayers”

  1. Hello, I just came across your blog, and saw this post. I can tell how much you love and care for your family. I’m praying for you, and your Mimi!
    I’m praying God will work in only the way he can, and provide peace along the way.

    P.S. – Following. Love your page.

  2. Erika says:

    This is beautiful, Sloan. Thanks for the reminder– that Oswald Chambers quote is awesome. Joining you in some reckless prayer for Mimi…

  3. Jamie says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart so openly precious friend. He hears all our reckless prayers, and for that I am grateful.
    Sending my love and prayers to you, your Mom, and your Mimi.

  4. […] me. One of my favorite years and one of my least favorite. Ryan and I were engaged, and my Mimi was diagnosed with cancer. 2013 will probably be a little similar in that respect- Ryan and I will get married, and the […]

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